This is how i disappear

woke so early this morning, just to wake lin..now unable to sleep back..i close my eyes i see a beautiful girl. with big black eyes, like snowie's eyes..hiding a corner..it's a close up anyway..i open my eyes..kept thinking of that pretty little girl..i tried not to think about her..i close my eyes again..

now i see a pretty mother..with an "dutch lady" outfit..talking to someone..that i cannot see..

i don't wanna see those anymore..i open my phone and saw a message by bei..i cried so hard..feeling a little afraid for today's meet up..

well it actually makes me think of a stupid story i made up myself..its silly..

" story of a little boy, bringing beautiful sand to a little girl..the little girl loves to hang out with the little boy..everytime he brings beautiful sand, he'd put it in a box.. it's a plain white square box, and there's a hole on top of the box..so that they can put in the sand..the boy brings sand everytime he get some and he'd say "this is our collection"..the girl just smile..she IS very happy to see the boy giving her this sweet memory. after the box is filled up. the boy one day carry the box off the table."

"the boy didn't realise there's always a hole underneath. the sand is getting lesser and lesser now. people standing aside would think that the girl is really bad and selfish. she wouldn't give a hand but shake the box harder so that the sand leaked faster."

"at the other hand the girl have something in mind. she wants the boy to tried not to let the sand leak. that little boy feel helpless.. there's a hole at the top, and now the bottom. he wouldn't know what to do. his palm is not big enough to cover the hole. the little girl watched..she wants the boy to save the beautiful sand. that's 'their' collection. she doesn't want to lose it too..but the boy is helpless..he watches the sand fall to the ground. what he wanna tell the girl is [i will get you new sand][i will try to save it by getting a new sand].."

"the girl, feeling so sad and disappointed..walked away from the boy..and sit around the corner..wait for another kid to bring her something new that won't fall off the ground; something that can make her smile. while the boy, put away the box and walked away.."

it's stupid..it's silly..but i find many girls are like this little girl in the story..

and what happen to us is..the more sand that drop to the ground..the more i feel insecure..maybe in your mind..u have another version of your story but for me...this is u...ur like the little boy..

i know it happens to everyone..everyone have their happy moments..every couple have the sand..and their sand happen to fall a little off the box sometimes..but we're falling too much..our issue are a "non-stop". it's not just from you..it's from me too..

the other couples know how to cover it..but i don't..im selfish..im bad..i want you to cover all for me..that's the real me..that's what im telling you..that's the real me!!!


MetalYi