To you, and my old self..

it's been a hard night..didn't want to give up. but it's not working. everytime the issue come, you say we can settle it/ u can change.

i changed u too much. i AM selfish, i don't deny that. i want you to know me yourself. i want you to be the ideal lover i want. which, is so wrong.

we can actually see from the attitude, we are no match. the time i worked out so much for this relationship, u didn't do anything. and now i want to be the selfish one..the one that sit and wait for u to do everything to me.

i am hard to get along. i knew it well. i want/expect more than i could. and that is why, when u disappoint me, i will hold your hand, feel sorry for you, to have me, to go over all this shit.

sometimes u would get angry, i know why is that. but still, i refuse to say a thing. and that goes on. quiet for days.

it's not that i want a 100% perfect guy that stays next to me all the time. at least, a guy that care for me, not like he don't care what i have done. a guy that know what im thinking, a guy that will make me happy when im down.

just like last time, u always cheer me up. i love that. u said u rush home online, actually me too..im always looking for your name when i got online..cause i know after the bad day, you're gonna make me happy again.

when u wait for your gf at 4am..i faked that i can't get to sleep. and wait with you.

our path to this relationship, is a chaos, and when we are together, things gotten worst. i don't know how you think about me.

day by day, i feel the road has come to an end, but i didn't say anything, cause i promise, let it end naturally.

after yesterday, i feel that i have to settle it down. for u and me, can recover soon. i feel wasted, of course i do, i miss it, really miss it. but im not mad at that moment i make my decision. i couldn't sleep whole night. lin's been toking to me. helping me. she's worry too. she can see the changes of me when im with you.

i can't deny..what i can do is nod and nod and say "ur right lin". of course, i talked to klee..and the same thing.."ur right".

but one thing, i didn't break because of other people's advice. i'm chill, i keep my mind clear.

u thought me many things. i know myself better, i know who i want, what kind of people i like and dislike.

just give yourself some time. i know you can get over it. the word "break up" is strong, hard to accept.

but just imagine, if ur like yesterday and day before yesterday. we didn't talk much. slowly, there will be a "cut" for the line that connect me to you.

you're a smart guy, u know what im saying. and u know what will happen if we keep it going like how we used to be..we never change..never will..we're no longer meant for each other.

of course i still hope, that we can be very good friends. i can still talk to you, solve your problems, share the fun. believe me, compare to a gf, a close friend, is easier to talk to..like how we used to talk. if you're not happy, we can still hang out.

the following day, will be the day to cure our wound. make ourself normal again. make myself happy to see u online and talk openly with u..game with you.

i still love you, but no longer as your girl. i'll keep it inside me..as day pass by, it will slowly fade away..then u won't be suffer for long.



your selfish friend,
MetalYi