To you, and my old self..

it's been a hard night..didn't want to give up. but it's not working. everytime the issue come, you say we can settle it/ u can change.

i changed u too much. i AM selfish, i don't deny that. i want you to know me yourself. i want you to be the ideal lover i want. which, is so wrong.

we can actually see from the attitude, we are no match. the time i worked out so much for this relationship, u didn't do anything. and now i want to be the selfish one..the one that sit and wait for u to do everything to me.

i am hard to get along. i knew it well. i want/expect more than i could. and that is why, when u disappoint me, i will hold your hand, feel sorry for you, to have me, to go over all this shit.

sometimes u would get angry, i know why is that. but still, i refuse to say a thing. and that goes on. quiet for days.

it's not that i want a 100% perfect guy that stays next to me all the time. at least, a guy that care for me, not like he don't care what i have done. a guy that know what im thinking, a guy that will make me happy when im down.

just like last time, u always cheer me up. i love that. u said u rush home online, actually me too..im always looking for your name when i got online..cause i know after the bad day, you're gonna make me happy again.

when u wait for your gf at 4am..i faked that i can't get to sleep. and wait with you.

our path to this relationship, is a chaos, and when we are together, things gotten worst. i don't know how you think about me.

day by day, i feel the road has come to an end, but i didn't say anything, cause i promise, let it end naturally.

after yesterday, i feel that i have to settle it down. for u and me, can recover soon. i feel wasted, of course i do, i miss it, really miss it. but im not mad at that moment i make my decision. i couldn't sleep whole night. lin's been toking to me. helping me. she's worry too. she can see the changes of me when im with you.

i can't deny..what i can do is nod and nod and say "ur right lin". of course, i talked to klee..and the same thing.."ur right".

but one thing, i didn't break because of other people's advice. i'm chill, i keep my mind clear.

u thought me many things. i know myself better, i know who i want, what kind of people i like and dislike.

just give yourself some time. i know you can get over it. the word "break up" is strong, hard to accept.

but just imagine, if ur like yesterday and day before yesterday. we didn't talk much. slowly, there will be a "cut" for the line that connect me to you.

you're a smart guy, u know what im saying. and u know what will happen if we keep it going like how we used to be..we never change..never will..we're no longer meant for each other.

of course i still hope, that we can be very good friends. i can still talk to you, solve your problems, share the fun. believe me, compare to a gf, a close friend, is easier to talk to..like how we used to talk. if you're not happy, we can still hang out.

the following day, will be the day to cure our wound. make ourself normal again. make myself happy to see u online and talk openly with u..game with you.

i still love you, but no longer as your girl. i'll keep it inside me..as day pass by, it will slowly fade away..then u won't be suffer for long.



your selfish friend,
MetalYi

thanks to all~

This year's birthday, i got three cake..thanks to my friends and family..i had surprise, for the first time..thanks to you guys who actually give in so much..it's a memorable birthday gift to me..

i don't know what to write, i don't know how ugly is my reaction on that day, but i had fun..thanks all =) love you guys!!

MetalYi

Back to MYself..

it's been a while since i last movie alone..

i told in game..i wanna watch movie today..since i get no calls and msg to confirm, i decide not to wait..

i already hate the feeling of waiting..very spontaneous..i bath, i get changed, then i go out..

i spent so much time searching for "against medical advice" at MPH subang parade..at the same time looking for other books...

and i spent so much time...after i found the book, thinking whether to buy or not?cash or credit card..lol

after i bought the book, i bought muse's latest album at rock corner..i always wanted that..lin said she wanna buy as my bday present..i can't wait already =P so i buy it first..

my knee is not that pain already, so i walked around subang parade..

on the way home, i was thinking of movie..do i actually sound lonely if i watch alone?i don't wanna think about it..maybe u ran out of battery, i don't know..but i guess there's public phone everywhere..if there's no calls, means plan cancel..

i watched uglytruth..quite nice..but hey kepos, don't have to look at me one kind even im watching alone right?

after movie, hungry, but i'm lazy to drive..forget bout food..feel slimmer already xP

im feeling so good..finally, i can get back slowly, to my previous life..i want it back badly, not that i will die if i dint get a call. i won't care about that now..

come to think of it, im stupid and childish, a guy need space..i know i can't give it..but i guess now i can, release slowly..i wont think, i wont get mad, i'll just get used to my life without u slowly right now..and i think i can do it..it worked well today..and im proud of myself =D

MetalYi

where's my sleep?

4am...lost my sleep...

i think im'ma sleep at errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 5 something??aww that's bad...

im sleepy when i face the com...but when i go up...ish!!!wide awake~

and im hungry =(

pathetic! it sucks!

MetalYi

Whole moody day~

It's been a really bad day!mood is bad..everything is bad..i might have treat some of you bad too..

i remember someone said, if im down then he will be there to cheer me up..haha!very funny..

i feel this guy is hiding from me..cause my mood is really bad...ok..i can understand that..who knows what might happen if he tries to comfort me...

weird thing is...he never tried..i was thinking deep just now...do i really need him??

i suddenly feel my heart aching...after so long...i've been pulling back the feelings..even when we get together...

and i feel that it's deeper already..i feel that maybe i should stop..

if i keep it in this way..i might ruin myself, and ruin his life..

he don't know me..i don't know him..was thinking..actually how i know him?what bout his past?i never really ask bout that...and i never intend to ask..i don't know why..

i wanted to let go just now...but i keep it...i still feel letting go...

for now..i will smile! chill...!!! i decided to pull back..pull back everything..so u wont feel hurt even he can't satisfy you! =)

i remember the day we fight..and the next day, lin said, i thought u will tell me u both already broke up. haha i actually thought so too..

it's becuz it's too normal for us..we are two person from two different world..two different aspect..

we can't understand each other..i can't make u feel good when ur down..u can't do it either..

that's why problem comes out every week...

time to game!!ciao !!



MetalYi

Let lose, don't think so..

i never tried so hard, and i never cried so hard..

social, is harder than what i expect..

i never thought i can be like that..

few days, my busy life, my social life..

i see people, i put on my fake smile..

for few days, i've been really sick, pissed that i'm weaker than the others..

for few days, i face them, i face people, with the smile, and thoughts, talks, u never seen before..

but when? do i really enjoy it?

i told myself, i can do it for sure..it's easy..

after few days, i break down and cry, cuz i talk, cause i face all, cuz i wanna work thngs out, cuz i don't want people to think im WEAK..

i'm very tired, im really tired..a person that don't meant to walk this way, is walking it..

i thought i can, but the time i stepped into the house, i feel lost..where is my past life?

i walked into the room, lin's sleeping..i want to talk, i want to find someone who can talk to..

i text my boy, he's sleeping..i text my ji mui, she had the same problem, she know me, she know me well..i wanted to call..yoyo, i wanna talk..but the awful sound of cry, stopped me..

i hope, if any friend see this, don't ask..

my eye sore..if i sleep now the next day is going to be a fucking day..

if i have a chance, i wanna ask myself, can i go back? but time is pushing me forward..

i wanted to take a break badly, i wanted to lock myself in the room badly, not to sleep, but to relax..i just need it..

to friends, i apologize, if i did wrong..

to friends, i apologize, if i'm too quiet..

to friends, i apologize, if i disappoint u..

to people who care, i apologize, i'm weak..

to people who care, i apologize, i'm not good enough..

i'm thinking, did i made the right choice taking video and animation?it's not just making video..now i learned it..

i never expect that..i will break down and cry so hard, because im tired..

i am tired..



MetalYi

Finally!! - Break down

can i say "breath" out loud???

it's like finally!!!!!!!!!we're done!!!with our shooting..i'm really glad we made it..

it's been a really busy week..i don't even have the time to check mail and facebook..now the mail box is flood..xD

i never been this busy before...to be honest..it's like everything packed together..and we can't let go even one small things..no matter how busy we have to do it all..

now i know what people say is true..a person get too busy will fall sick..i din't go to work today..cuz i really AM sick..

if u want me to rate the job..i will rate it 1star over 5..i don't like..but since i already accept to do it i HAVE to do it..

i wanna tell klee..i didn't make it there..is not by purpose..i am not as strong as u maybe..i really cant stand..tired and headache after shooting..

yes, i admit at work i told lin i wont go on sunday, but after finish work, i changed my mind..i told everyone there i go..even the "shorty"..i say wont ffk to him..but i really cant make it...sorry to u and brendam/brandon watever...

didn't online for so long time..i became so lazy to go online..suddenly terbalik with days last time..*lazy to go out*..now lazy to go online..and i miss YOYO!!!!MISS YOU MAN!!!!LIKE ALOT U KNOW!!!sometimes will think of u when im outside busying..

actually those busy days are quite enjoying..rush here and there..and been to Kampung subang for so many times that i think everyone there can recognise us..and someone tot im astro star!!HAHAHAH funny sial..

people there are so kind..oh but the indians there are quite scary..they like to go out with motor then talk..feel dangerous haha..

if people would ask me about subang village first thing i will think of the shop, then the people, and one young couple..they're always out..walking hand in hand..so dam sweet..they're like..just teenage??i think..

even late at night..they will walk out..with dogs around them..dam cun..!!

there's so many thing i can't say in one post..+ i dam sick..+ i need to prepare tomorrow's homework..will continue next time..

MetalYi

change it BACK...

Back at subang...many issue comes...that is why i hate it here..

after class today i meet jaya eye to eye..i mean...face to face =P he made me down...homework stuff..it's..not hard..but just feel down..he doesn't seem to have much confident on me ekh..!!

i feel like wanna punch..punch punch punch...my heart don't feel well..im angry...angry!!!

im glad that we finally sort out the Tvc for ghost festival..one down!!!tomorrow class cancel..means i don't have to rush animation today...

what is snowie thinking?????she didn't look very happy when i come back..she didn't rush out for me when i come home..didn't jump on me...(im really sad)

as usual...when i go upstairs..she followed me..but this time..looks abit different..when i look into her eyes..i feel that she see me like a stranger..i really hate that feeling..all the time she's been looking at the door..wants to go out i guess...im SUPER SAD OK!!!!

i know i neglected her in the pass few days..i didn't really touch her..didn't say goodnight and love you before i go to bed...didn't kiss her forehead and play catching...

did she really forget how we used to get along??just because i didn't really touch her in the pass few days??argh!!!my bad snowie..i deserve it...!!

it wont be long..i believe...we will be good again after today...since im back and everything;s back to normal again..i will do my daily routine..play with her..say goodnight and love u before i slp..give her snacks..etc...

don't forget how we used to get along =)

Your sister,
MetalYi

penang pictures coming soon

The last night

Last day at yoyo's house~~

feeling sad~~awww~~

going back...makes me feel no freedom...i'm far from bei...yet i still feel cool with it...

here at bukit mertajam(penang)...is HEAVEN!!!....food food food...i ate food of one month in two days..

went to capture some video of people praying for the ghost festival...i feel not enough...i was thinking..i'd be great if i hold the college cam in my hand xD

after i go back...everything will back to normal again...more busy i guess..

have to gather for discussion at 2pm..rush back rush back!!!then have class at 330pm..after class gotta rush my animation for the next day's class..

i miss snowie soooooooo muchhhhh...i think she misses me too?xD
i havent been touching her for days...neglected her since the first day im here at penang...that day when the family goes back..i see her in car...i feel dam sad...i only kissed her at the last minute..ish!!!angry with myself now!!

i miss her soo much..i must do something when i get back...hope she still loves me hahah..

Last night at penang,
MetalYi